Drop a frog in boiling water and it jumps out. Put it in cool water and heat it slowly—it stays until it dies. The boiling frog metaphor isn’t scientifically accurate, but it captures something real: we’re terrible at detecting gradual change.
How Slow Change Takes Hold
Situations that push boundaries—whether in relationships, work, or systems—rarely announce themselves. They move in small increments. A nudge here. A norm shift there. Each step feels “manageable.” By the time you’d have jumped at the first step, you’ve already adapted to the hundredth.
Where It Shows Up
- Relationships: Criticism that escalates slowly. Isolation dressed up as “just us.” Patterns that tighten over time.
- Work: Scope creep. “Just this once” becoming the default. Harder conditions normalized drip by drip.
- Politics & media: What was unthinkable becomes debatable, then acceptable, then normal.
The Antidote
External benchmarks. Ask: “If a friend described this situation, what would I tell them?” Or: “What would I accept if I were starting fresh today?” Reset your baseline. Notice when you’re justifying something that would have alarmed you six months ago.
The Takeaway
Gradual change works not because people are foolish, but because adaptation is our default. The way out isn’t constant worry—it’s periodic reality checks against the person you were before the water started heating.